At first, I did not want to go. I had no interest in participating in ‘forced bonding’ with my classmates for an entire day. The thought of skipping that day crossed my mind too many times as the fear of pressure basically consumed me. But by the end of the day, I realized that I had risen above that pressure, and found something more inspiring in the process. 

Breaking Down the Walls, a program by Ignite2Unite to help middle and high schoolers build better relationships and school wide communities, visited Truckee High last week for two days in mid-October. It’s a day-long event that mixes games, conversations and reflection activities together, designed to help students connect with one another. 

I attended the event with regret at first, afraid of being forced to share my goals and trauma in small groups with people from my grade. And while, yes, there were parts of the day that I absolutely hated—like walking in circles, high-fiving strangers, and sharing things my introverted self had no intention of sharing—there were other parts of the day that felt unexpectedly human, parts I found empathy and inspiration in. 

While parts of Breaking Down the Walls can feel forced and pressurizing for some students, I think it is important to have organizations like these come to our schools to provide kids with the opportunity, whether they accept it or not, to realize that they are not alone while drowning in the mental effects of being a teenager. 

For example, when everyone in the gym engaged in the ‘Cross the Line’ during the second half of the Breaking Down the Walls day, I not only saw a different side of myself that was willing to step forward for me and my friends, I saw the bravery of other people when they stepped forward for themselves and support from the people around them. ‘Cross the Line’ became so serious in the sense that most students became silent as we were shown the power of recognizing what others are going through, along with yourself. Afterall, the main motto of Breaking Down the Walls is: “It’s hard to hate someone whose story you know.”

I think participating in things like Breaking Down the Walls can be really hard too, though I saw a different side of myself in some aspects. For most of the day it was also hard to break out of my comfort zone, one of hesitation. And it was almost as though I was stuck in that little box of fear, and Breaking Down the Walls was the force that came and encouraged me to take a peek out. It was that small push toward understanding and letting go. 

Sometimes we can get really stuck in life. Stuck in our boxes of fear, afraid to take a step out as we manage to live fretfully, but comfortably a life of anxiety. And when opportunities like Breaking Down the Walls or simple support cross our paths, it is a chance to peek outside your box and get a glance at what might be possible on the other side of acknowledging or regulating your stress. 

That is what I left Breaking Down the Walls with. At the end of day I had gained knowledge of both myself and others, and experienced peeking outside of my box, to see that maybe I was not alone. 

The only thing I wonder about now though, is that even though Breaking Down the Walls was a day of deep acknowledgement and opportunity at Truckee High, what comes after it? 

I see a few other people in my school differently than I had before, and that is both positive and negative in ways. But the day after Breaking Down the Walls was like any other day at Truckee High. I did not see bullying removed, I did not see many new relationships after spending a whole day ‘bonding’, and I didn’t see a lot of the connection, which was supposed to be the result. 

Breaking Down the Walls was a great experience for one day, but I feel like most of us forgot about it after a couple of days. That person that you had empathy and understanding for in the gym, was now just another passerby on your daily walk to class.

And though I learned more about myself and others during Breaking Down the Walls, I cannot say that Truckee High suddenly transformed into this place where I felt safe and where I belonged.

In fact it was more of the opposite. I walked into school the next day feeling anxious as ever for tests, bad stress, and hallway anxiety. And while I cannot speak for everyone, I do think a lot of us didn’t walk away from Breaking Down the Walls with a whole lot of spirited connection and community. We all seemed to just go back to the bullying and the regular anxiety of school. One day of deep connection had unfortunately not changed a whole lot, at least for me. 

But aside from my criticism, I really did enjoy how the experience influenced my social emotional learning and did deepen some of my relationships with friends if not with strangers. 

The day was one of understanding for me, but I still wonder if there is a better way to extend that empathy into the future school year and keep it alive. So that kids don’t retreat back into their comfort boxes the next morning, and forget about it.